Author: Maurilio Amorim

Warning! This video contains graphic scenes of violence against an iPad. Apple fans and gadget freaks be warned: this will make you sick!

Are you planning on buying an iPad? If so, why?

I just paid $10.90 for a 32 oz smoothie. Yep, that’s right, a smoothie. And it didn’t have a filet mignon steak blended in with white truffle oil either. It was mango/peanut butter flavor (I know it sounds terrible, but trust me it’s excellent). The whole ordeal started during my trip to Florida a few weeks back where an employee at the Smoothie King in Destin talked me into getting their locally created concoction. I loved it so much that I wanted my local Brentwood, TN store to make me one just like it. That’s when it all went wrong and the lack of flexibility and customer service ended up losing me as a customer.

Since I knew the mango/peanut butter is not on the menu, I called the store in Destin and got the recipe: 7 squirts of water, 6 squirts of mango, 2 scoops of peanut butter and a serving of gladiator. As I place my order, the girl behind the counter at first would not accept my recipe. “The machine prints our order. You have to order one from the menu,” was her first response. “But I want the same product I had at the Smoothie King in Florida,” I pleaded. “I’m only supposed to give you only 4 squirts of mango. I have to charge you another dollar for the extra.” “A dollar for an extra 2 squirts?” I asked incredulous? “Yes and more for the peanut butter as well.” “Don’t I get two fruits with that order?” I tried again. “Yes, but peanut butter is not a fruit,” she said losing patience with me. So by now I realized that this was not going anywhere. This girl had no flexibility and she was not interested in helping me out. “Do I get a credit for having only one fruit?” “No.”

“Come on, give me a break,” I said in frustration. “You’re welcomed to speak with my manager but I don’t want to cheat my employer.” Wow, now she has played the integrity card. I tried telling her that I had this before several times and there has never been an extra charge, but it didn’t matter because now it was a matter of integrity and of her cheating by not charging me extra for deviating from the “printed” formula.

At the end of it all, I end up paying $10.90 for a smoothie that should have tasted a lot better than it did. Perhaps my bitterness over the inflexibility and lack of customer service affected the taste somehow.

As I ponder over my experience, I’m not sure that if it was the price tag, or the lack of flexibility that got the worst of me. I don’t mind paying more for something I really like, but inflexibility just drive me nuts. We’re all in the communication business, whether you’re a business executive, pastor, parent or clerk at the local Smoothie King, and when we can’t change the rules, we need to make the customer feel good about the experience.

Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Have you ever tried to order a egg white omelet at a Waffle House in southern Alabama? Please don’t. That’s another blog post for later.  

Have you faced poor customer service that drove you away from a business lately?

With the proliferation of DVRs (Digital Video Records) such as Tivo advertisers have been scrambling to find ways to get their message across and product placement has been the growing trend. Of course, this is nothing new. We’re used to seeing our hero driving the latest Audi R8 as in Iron Man or James Bond wearing a fashionable and surprisingly resilient Rolex. We even saw Will Smith upload a virus that wiped out an entire Alien mother ship that was set to destroy earth with, what else, a Mac. However, product placement has gone to a whole new level lately.

Take for example this week’s episode of Modern Family, one of my favorite new comedies this season. The entire episode focused on Phil’s birthday, played by Ty Burrell, and his obsession with his birthday gift: an iPad. It was not a subplot; it was the plot. The word “iPad” was mentioned at least a dozen times in the 30 minutes during the show. The climax scene pictured Phil getting a virtual birthday cake complete with burning candles on the screen of his new iPad, which he “blew” out by blowing on the tablet and then watching the candles extinguish themselves like in real life. “No it didn’t do that?!” he said incredulously. “Yes it did!!” beamed the proud wife. At the end of the show, we see him sitting on the couch caressing the iPad gently as he whisper to it “I love you.” Unwittingly, his wife thinks he’s speaking to her and answers, “I love you too.” Fade to black. Wow! Modern Family is one of the top shows this season and they wrote an entire episode around a product release. Brilliant Apple move.

Last night I was watching “Bones” one of the many forensic-who-done-it shows. Two young attractive women are seating in a minivan about to take off. Here’s how the dialogue went: “Angela why do you drive a van. You are not married. Do you have children I don’t know about?” “No, I don’t have children. I’m an artist and the Sienna fits my lifestyle. Besides I can’t park very well and the back up camera is awesome. I can’t live without it.” You’ve got to be kidding me! That whole scene was not to develop the characters, move the plot along or provide comedic relief. All it was intended to do was to sell minivans. Shamelessly sell minivans.

I could see a church bulletin entry that read: Pastor Pete Wilson reads primarily from the New King James Version of the Bible during his studies. For those of us who don’t have to budget to put our products or services in a movie or sitcom, where should we place our products?Any ideas?

 There’s not much to say about this product only that it will save my marriage. After years of conflict and misery over my love of Mexican food and its unfortunate side effects, a solution has been found: The Better Marriage Blanket.

I’m buying stock in the company. If this thing works, I have a feeling it will be huge for Mexican food lovers everywhere.

Are you joining me in purchasing one? Who in your family is the most “deserving” person for the blanket?

It’s holy week for Christians everywhere and for me, it’s the week I see some of the worst direct mail pieces come in my mailbox from churches inviting people to their Easter Services. This year is no exception. It’s only Monday and I already had my share of poorly conceived and designed post cards. So here’s 2010’s top ways to ruin your Easter mailer based on actual fail attempts I’ve personally received:

1. Fail to include your website, or if you do, misspell the address. Yes, even today people still don’t proofread their mailers. I’m looking at a mailer with a wrong website address. 
2. Include a bad picture of the preacher and his wife. Since most people decide on the church based on their perception of the teaching pastor, I can understand using the pastor’s picture on a mailer; however, if you print a bad, unflattering picture, like the one on my desk right now, then it works against you.  “What’s going on with this man and his wife?” is the first thought that went through my mind. In a world where Photoshop is readily available to anyone, there’s no excuse for a lame picture.
3. Leave the whole back of postcard blank. Most people don’t realize that your target audience has a 50/50 chance of seeing the front of your mailer. The back of your mailer should hold more than your address. It’s often the first, and perhaps, only panel people will see. 
4. Tell me you’ll be preaching from the King James Version of the Bible.  Yes, of all the claims you can make about the gospel and its power, your love for the KJV surpasses them all and no doubt, will draw thousands to your Easter service. For most unchurched people your translation preference is as irrelevant as your obvious lack of biblical education.
5. Fail to say anything about your church. Some of these mailers landing on my desk don’t say a word about the church, their children’s program, or what they care about. Don’t assume that people either 1) know or 2) care about your church. It’s your story to tell and not their job to find out. Own your own story and let people know what God has called you to do. Well, at least if your church has a calling from God.

What’s the worst church mailer you’ve seen?

This is part of my random Friday collection. I don’t know what to say about this video, but it is as captivating as it is scary. It beckons you to watch it much like a train wreck that horrifies and yet compels you to keep looking and watch it some more.

How would you describe this experience?

This week my whole family had to make a trek to the main Nashville post office on Royal Oaks Blvd, a 45-minute drive with two smelly boys and another two of their equally smelly friends. The boys needed new passports and the only way to renew them was for the whole family to appear live at the post office (I tried talking Gwen into conferencing me in with a laptop but she just gave me “the look”). I wasn’t looking forward to the whole ordeal, but I underestimated the postal service’s ability to disappoint. 

We show up at 5:25 knowing that the passport window closes at 6. The line was 8 people deep and the lonely employee inside the small room was, well, slower than molasses. Gwen, in order to expedite the process, had pre-filled all the necessary paperwork she picked up at our local branch beforehand.

Twenty minutes later we hear a voice of another postal employee loudly addressing those of us in line. “Make sure you have your forms filled out.” Ok we did. “Make sure the forms are filled out in black ink.” What? black ink? We looked over the forms and there were no directions about filling them out in black ink anywhere.

By this time we were next in line to visit with Mr. Molasses so Gwen asked “Where does it say black ink?” Without looking the man yelled “There’s a sign at the door.” Well the sign was a handwritten piece of 8×10 paper taped to the glass window a few feet from us that said “Use black ink on forms.” Flustered and fearful of having to go to the back of the line again, or worse, have to return another day, Gwen said, “I’m sorry but there’s nothing on this form that says that. I already filled out all the paperwork in blue ink.” His response was something I didn’t anticipate, even from a disgruntled postal worker: “Lady, do you want passports or not?” So Gwen and I scrambled to refilled all the paperwork in black ink while I was thinking of several responses to his statement–none of which I can write on this post.

The more I thought about the incident, the more I’m convinced that monopolies of any kind are never good for anyone. If I want to get a passport, I have to use the post office whether I have good service or whether some jerk decides to be disrespectful to my wife. If a restaurant serves me bad food, I don’t have to go back. If I don’t get good service at Home Depot, I will go Lowe’s or vice versa.

Competition has a way to sharpen us, to help us do what we do better because if we don’t, someone else will. The free enterprise system gives everyone the chance to succeed or fail based on their own performance. But unless you’re the government, you have to continue to improve and create value for your customers.

So what can the organization you belong to (whether a business or church or ministry) do better in order to remain viable? Also feel free to share your sucky post office story!

Communication happens long before you open your mouth. Whether you’re a presenter, a salesman, a preacher, or a guest, people will make categorical judgments based on how you look long before you have a chance to have a meaningful engagement. It might not be fair, but, nonetheless, it’s what happens. You can choose to deal with it or live with the consequences.

Recently I had a meeting at a very conservative client’s office where I was supposed to meet with a new team and the CEO. I dressed appropriately to the occasion, a suit and tie. But I forgot that I was meeting a potential new client, an author, during one of my afternoon meetings. Interestingly, one of her first observations was “I expected you to be dressed more casually, since you’re in marketing.”

Some might say that you need to be yourself, dress the way you want and be done with it. No need to try to impress people (as my 15 year old will argue when I tell him: “no, you’re not wearing that”). I disagree. I believe you should be yourself but dress appropriately to whatever environment you’re trying to impact.

Some clients will discredit me if I show up in a suit for a meeting. In their minds, I could not relate to their, cutting-edge business or ministry. They would see me, at least initially, as old school and not relevant. Others, however, would feel very nervous taking strategic and creative direction from someone wearing faded jeans and a white belt (ok, even I feel nervous about the white belt–it only lasted a short season). So why should you fight an insignificant battle or begin your engagement at a “deficit” of influence just because of what you’re wearing? You can still be yourself and dress appropriately to the occasion.

Interestingly my personal sense of style allows me to wear anything from suits to jeans without losing my own identity. For example, I don’t have to wear dated, doubled breasted suits to a meeting. Personally, I like the more tapered, smaller lapel and thinner pant-leg suits that are currently popular.

How much thought do you give about what you wear?

This is brilliant. To me this video is a commentary on a generation of pseudo-talent that has, against all common sense, been affirmed into failure by well-meaning parents. If these guys are for real, then, well, bless their hearts!

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=9625670&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=00ADEF&fullscreen=1

Can we go too far in affirming our children into an unhealthy, unrealistic place?

You can’t  predict it. You can’t prepare for it. But when it happens you can choose to embrace it or reject it. “The encounter” is what I call it: a time when someone, a total stranger walks into your life and your worlds collide. For whatever reason you find thrust into the middle of another’s life story and the choice is clear: I either engage or choose to walk away.

 If you know me, you already know the answer to that dilemma. I engage.  Just this past weekend I was reminded of a particular memorable “encounter.”  Greg and Joanie Anderson showed up at an event I was hosting in Palm Springs in partnership with a publisher. The interesting thing about them is that I didn’t know who they were and had not invited them. But they made it into the publisher’s list somehow and showed up at our event on the other side of the country.

  “Who gave you my name?” “Why am I here?’  Greg asked me repeatedly.  I really didn’t know. For all purposes they were not supposed to be there. Well I didn’t know why there were there then. But I know now. During the next six months, I helped Greg make one of the most significant transitions of his life. Greg and Joni moved from Myrtle Beach where he had lived his entire life and served on staff of Myrtle Beach Community Church to Ft. Lauderdale where he’s now on staff of Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale one of the country’s largest churches.

 Greg didn’t need another friend. If you meet him you’d know why. He’s one of the most likeable and genuinely kind men you’ll ever meet. But for whatever reason, God chose me to walk with Greg during those days.  I’m glad I engaged. I was reminded of why as we visited for a few hours this past weekend and watching Greg and his family flourish in life and ministry. 

What rich friendship do you have that started as a divine “encounter”?