A Promise to My Friends


A life well lived happens in the context of relationships. I’m convinced of that. God designed humans to be in community with one another. That’s why food tastes better when shared with friends and a beautiful sunset experienced with a loved one stays with you forever. But successful marriages, partnerships, or friendships need attention and even what I call “relational promises.” These set of values or promises help me frame my commitment to family and friends in a way that holds me accountable to my end of the relationship. One of the most important promises I make my friends is to always give them the benefit of the doubt. A true friend will defend, uphold and protect publicly, but question privately.

A promise to my friends

We all have been there–during a conversation a salient tidbit of gossip comes up about a friend who’s not present. Sometimes it’s an accusation by someone who’s been hurt. We have a split second to react. We can nod and agree, we can ignore what’s being said and move on, or we can defend our friend, not matter the verdict of the popular vote.

Years ago I failed a friend by not coming to his rescue during a heated discussion with a group who felt wronged by him. My rationale for keeping my mouth shut was based on the convincing “facts” of the conversation that eventually turned out to be bogus. I chose not to engage the accusers and my silence was an indictment of my friend as far as everyone in the room was concerned.

I remember the disappointment I felt in myself as I confronted my friend with the accusations and heard his side of the story. I felt awful. By being silent I was not being neutral. By not defending a loved one, I shamefully agreed with the mob and failed to do what true friends do: believe the best about those you love.

My promise to my friends is to believe the best in them, to defend them publicly, and to always give them the benefit of the doubt. But I also promise to question and confront them privately in order to make sure they haven’t fallen and need my help getting back up. That’s when you really need a good friend.

What promises do you make to your friends?

  • Thanks for the post brother. I am a huge believer that social media along with texting and other advances in technology are bringing us further apart from God and each other.
    We need to stay in relationships and make them work.
    It's so hard in the day in age when sons text their mothers while in the same house etc. It is a shame.

    • It doesn't have to be that way. Social media as any technology is just a tool. It can be used to replace God and relationships or we can use it to enhance. I just wrote about a good friend's death and how his last days were enhanced by Facebook. You can read it here: http://ht.ly/3BTwN

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention A Promise to My Friends -- Topsy.com()

  • Mark McPeak

    Thanks Maurilio! I remember a time when this principle was tested in our relationship. I wish I had made better choices then, but thankfully the principle of forgiveness operates in the best of friendships. This is a great friendship promise, thanks for sharing it.

    • Mark, I might have to write about he "promise of Forgivness" in the near future. I'm thankful for all the years we have been friends. I still remember getting off the boat and meeting you. 🙂

  • What a great blog post! Thank you for sharing this, and reminding us all to love our friends more.

  • Denise

    i have gone through this same issue and am continuing to work on it. It is hard to stand against the crowd in this situation, because many in the crowd are trusted, loved friends and that makes the situation all the more painful.

    • That's a tough place, but one that only a good friend can make a difference.

  • Thank you for the encouragement to keep writing. I needed that.

    • Anytime. I recommend your blog almost daily.
      Keep 'em coming!

  • Angela C

    This is a powerful post! I sent it to a few dear friends of 25+ years. We have all shared precious emails and phone conversations based upon your writing and wisdom! Thank you – God has truly anointed this post to help us all think and renew our resolve to be better friends. Loved it!

  • Strong post! Thank you.

  • A great post. I've noticed many people don't realize the power of silence…both in being silent when they need to be and not being silent when the times call to speak up. It's a lesson I've had to work hard to learn and I'm still not done.

    • It's a tough one to learn and live. It's always easier not to say anything.

  • Cesar Moura

    It was very nice Maurilio; important things were named. May The Lord bless you always and keep you in his way.
    Charis kai eirene.

    • Cesar, you're one of my oldest and dearest friends. God has used you so powerfully when I was a baby Christian. So honored to call you my friend.

  • Pingback: Fishville()

  • Pingback: A Promise to My Friends..(Good Story) | taqveem()

Share “A Promise to My Friends” by Maurilio Amorim


Delivered by FeedBurner