The Pastor Said What? Pulpit Blunders


Public speaking is a difficult skill. You have to engage an audience that’s easily bored. Pastors have some of the most difficult jobs for any communicators out there. They have to produce fresh and relevant content every week, sometimes two or three times a week and present to critics, uh, members who expect their pastor to be on par with world-class communicators. While most every week my pastor friends do an amazing job, they’re also human. Here’s a list of things I wish I had never heard a Pastor say. No names here, you know who you are:

Let’s bring the whole tithe in the whorehouse of the Lord, uh, storehouse that is.

Lot pinched his tits. No, he pitched his tent. Did I just say that?

I’ve upped my pledge to the building campaign, now up yours.

I get paid to be good. You’re good for nothing.

Let everything that has breasts, praise ye the Lord. (Ok, confession: I said that in my first church while reading Psalm 150)

How many deacons does it take to change a light bulb? I don’t know because the deacons in this church don’t do jack.

Often small group study is the equivalent of a spiritual quickie.

What have you heard a preacher say, or even said it yourself, in a church service that you know the speaker wished he or she could have taken it back?

  • A pastor friend of me while stating that the church must reproduce it self: "The church needs to be a reproductive organ.".

    Discussing Peter's denial of Christ and our own failings: "How many of you have ever pulled a Peter".

    The fun never stops.

  • I wondered if you would be including the Lot pastor. ๐Ÿ™‚

    This isn't a pastor but when I was 19 I was the program director of our local radio station. One Sunday morning I woke up just before 10:30 and did my customary flip on of the radio to make sure the station was running. The local Lutheran church service was ending and the next church wasn't ready to start (their "greeting time" usually ran long) so the hungover, sleep deprived college kid comes on the station and says:

    "That's for you Lutherans. We got the Baptists coming up in a few minutes but until then here's some great gospel s*** from some old guys singing."

    I called the station. The guy doesn't say hello or anything just "did I say s*** on the air?" I'm trying not to laugh but sound like the guy in charge and said yes. He said he would leave his key in the mailbox and I said not to show up hung over again. He ended up being a great employee.

    • Great radio story. By the way, the "Lot pastor" as you call him, is now the campus pastor at my church. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I know. We both attend CP. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I once heard a pastor talking about how we give God excuses and he said: "We say: But God, I can't… or But God, we don't…" then he added: "Honestly, God does not care about your buts!"… well, well,well…

    • By the size of the average American, I tend to agree with that pastor.

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  • lol! these are too funny!!!

    as you know, I'm no pastor, but back when Diana and I were doing contemporary christian music, we were doing a radio interview in Visalia, CA and somehow we got on the subject of ice cream and Dairy Queen. I boldly stated that my favorite was the "Nut Buster"! The DJ and Diana just froze, mouths gaping. Then I kept repeating. "It's nut buster right…nut buster…no?"

  • Sarah

    Our pastor once said that the church needs to be a "living orgasm" instead of a "living organism."

  • Sue

    (Worship leader announces: ) "Let's all stand and praise me with Him…". And once I said at a women's conference, (talking about the lack of grace), "It doesn't make a bitch of sense to me…". Then, another time, I was trying to quote the prophetic verse "In the last days.."… I said, "I will pour out my flesh upon all people.." (Which probably explains why I weigh more now than I did years ago!) But my favorite recently – a young Christian asked the pastor to say something during communion. He said he had a real word from God. He said tp he congregation, "See this cup?? This "blood's" for you."

    • "This blood's for you." Now that's a classic. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Andy

    A pastor friend of mine was preaching a revival in FL. He was trying to create a visual by likening a spiritually weak Christian that is not being fed The Word to a potted plant that is not receiving water and nutrients. He explained the plant will begin to droop, wither & eventually just fall over. To remedy this he encouraged everyone to stay in God's Word. He then said, "Some of you are just like those droopy, withering plants, about to fall over. You need to stand up straight, tall, strong and vibrant, like you had a big dose of Viagra." Well, he had meant to say "Vigoro", as in the plant food. Needless to say, the place was chaotic for a while.

  • I grew up in a church where my dad was on staff. He announced one time that after church the youth group would go to Taco Bell and then out to Putt Putt together. There were a few mild snickers, but the best part was him laughing so hard that he couldn't continue.

  • Billy Williams

    I remember when our youth pastor, who was beginning to loose his hair, stated that he was "Phallically challenged" …I am sure he meant "Follically challenged"

  • 10 years ago, our pastor, preaching from a passage on the Old Testament temple sacrifices and several times kept referring to the "altar of incest"; only when he caught his wife's horrified eyes in the audience, did he realize what he was saying!

  • John

    my favorite was my pastor recently said "that''ll bless your sex off!" (meant to say sox)

  • Shocked staff

    Pastor saidmid sermon, "And Jesus said it clearly, there was erection." (he meant to say resurrection)

  • rick

    i said one time, "I'm reading from the New International Virgin" – recovery was difficult

  • I recently made a pre-service announcement (unseen from the tech booth) announcing, "There is a white Buick, in the parking lot with a 'Breast Awareness' license plate with your lights on." I turned to the sound tech and he said…"You forgot to say 'Cancer' – it's 'Breast Cancer Awareness."

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