Stupid Stuff I Can’t Believe I Said


Words are a powerful and interesting things. With words we build people up or tear down friendships. They are used to bless as well as to curse. I’m a communication professional. I’m deeply flawed and to make matters more complicated,  I’m also Brazilian. Brazilians are often fun, but we’re also blunt in ways that make southerners blush. Over the years I have tried not only to adapt to my new adopted country, but also temper my not-so-subtle foreign ways.  I have not always succeeded.

stupid stuff I can't believe I said Maurilio

Here’s some memorable exchanges I wish I could have taken back:

“I have the best hair money can buy” jokingly to a gentleman at a church I was interning as he commented on how much he liked my hair. I didn’t realize he was wearing a toupee. (it was a good one, after all)

“When are you due?” To my non-pregnant waitress at Cancun restaurant. Twice.

“I meant to tell you before, but you’re actually an adopted monkey we got from the zoo” to my 5-year-old son Marcus as he ran screaming, “MOM is it true?”

“Your grandfather is a hoot” to my college roommate only to find out it was his grandmother I had just met.

“I’m not sure what kind of mirror you have, but I’m sure you didn’t see in it what I’m seeing.” to a friend who had a fashion meltdown.

“Come with me little girl! You can sit on my lap” to a 28-year old midget woman sitting in a church service as I invited her to join me at the children’s story time.

“Haven’t they suffered enough?” to a friend after she told me she was signing up to take food for the Nashville flood victims.

“Sorry,but  it looked better on the hanger than it does on you.” To my young wife after bringing home a dress I bought her as a gift.  Twenty years later and I’m still paying for it.

I’m glad for forgiveness, second chances and life lessons. But the truth is I can’t ever take those words back. Today I self edit a lot more than ever before, but to people who know me well, it’s not quite enough. My hope is that the majority of comes out of my mouth will be used for building up, instead of tearing down.

Now it’s your turn. What have you said that you wish you could take back?

  • David Schroeder

    What about your random yet honest and harmless observations of ethnicities during your travel? Maurilio, you really are awesome and we love you for how you act. Even if Tod and I give you so much grief.
    As for me, it is classic stupid is as stupid does. I'm a fallible human being and there isn't a day that I don't put my foot in my mouth. I am thankful to be forgiven by others and also not taken seriously by so many. That just makes things easier across the board.

    • You are kind but what you call "harmless observations of ethnicities" others call it offensive remarks. I get in trouble for those as well. As far as Tod goes, i just consider the source and move on.

      • David Schroeder

        Exactly, you make comments Clooney would.

    • todshuttleworth

      I save my dumbest comments David Schroeder (aka CM), except for the metrosexual comments I make about Maurilio. 🙂

  • moweezle

    ha! some of those were really funny. You're so right about being brazilian… all my friends have said many blunt things to me. Once we were all in a van and one of my friends went off for like 5 minutes about Americans and how she can't stand everything about them etc. and after the rant I looked at her and said, "thanks for that Gabi, I AM American, you know." and she was like, "Maureen, you're more Brazilian than American". and that was the end of that. No arguing with her… LOL

    • Oh, the things Brazilians say. Once I met someone at a mall in Brazil who was a friend of a friend. I had never seen this person before. She started out by saying: "hey I heard you were about to get engaged and backed out. So what happened?"

  • nibbyp

    Maurilio- at least you have and excuse "Brazilian". Some of us true southerners don't.

    Keep writing and encouraging others!

    Your one of my most fav twitter buds!

    • Nibby, I'm afraid I use the Brazilian excuse well beyond its limit. 🙂

  • Steve Cooper

    I like the illustration!

  • Dude…as a Pennsylvanian with a love of all things Philadelphia and the wit/attitude to go with it…it's not just being Brazilian that can make you too blunt for southerners. 🙂

    Usually my biggest one is telling newly engaged guys that I'll get them quotes for airline flights to Tijuana the morning of their scheduled wedding. The brides just don't get the joke.

  • Dalene

    To answer your question on what I wish I could take back:
    Way back in 7th grade I had a crush on a boy. A friend of mine told me she was suddenly dating him. I was so angry I told her, "I wish I never went to hang out at your germ-infested house". She then told me she wasn't dating him, but just said that to see what my reaction would be. I apologized & she said she forgave me, but our friendship was *never* the same. I wish she hadn't lied to me, but more than anything I wish I never insulted her. Those words still ring in my ears & I will always regret it. & by the way, the crush was short-lived & he was SO not worth it.

    • You're right. Most guys are SO not worth it; however, I'm curious about your outburst: "germ-infested house." Of all the things you could have said, that seems odd. Was her mom a slob? 🙂

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  • Ashley Jensen

    I say so many stupid things… too many to list! At least you haven't gotten someone's gender wrong or maybe out-loud anyways. That's always an embarrassing one. Brian Regan has the funniest stand up bit about this very subject! lol! Just laughing at it again… about 2:00 minutes in!

  • Bwahahhahaaha! (LOL just didn't seem to say it) Great post – thanks for sharing!

  • paulaswift

    "Who'd want to get married THERE?"… in reference to a very cheesy little wedding chapel in downtown Reno… said to my cousins – who DID get married there several years prior.

  • jonmalstrom

    I referred to my pastor as a "tool" in a leadership team meeting as we discussed using his communication platform to help our congregation through a big change. Nervous giggles around the table…

  • Matt Wade :: Nashville

    FOOT IN MY MOUTH this past weekend. My son turned one – of course family from EVERYWHERE showed – both sides of the family…you know…the ones you do not want to be there. I proceeded to tell my friend that my wife has some people in her family that are so trashy – then I yelled out "white trash." To my horror my wife's half brother was sitting on the couch and had not moved or made a sound while we were discussing the gross trashiness of his family. Finally after family bashing they nudged me with a look of concern…wished they would have given me the look a few minutes earlier. I was and still am so embarrassed. I did not stop apologizing to the guy.

    • Matt, I would just say: "sorry about that dude, but you know it's true."

  • A girl I once dated said to me "I'm not stupid," and I responded, "stupid is as stupid does." I later called the same girl an enigma….none of those words turned her on.

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