Maurilio Amorim

Category: communication

How I keep Up with Friends and Clients With a Crazy Schedule

“I’m too busy to keep up with my friends. I just don’t have time to engage people like I want to.” I hear these words quite often these days. We are busy and some of us have families, jobs, and even school to deal with on a daily basis. Who has time to pursue or maintain any more relationships? While I’m sympathetic to such a reality, I also know that the best life has to offer, including business, is usually found in the context of relationships. I have found that using 3 simple tools has given me the chance to keep up with key relationships, some even in different continents.

Text messaging. Text messages are the fastest, most dynamic way to reach someone. It’s instant and designed to be succinct. Most smart phones will accept pictures and video as well. I even use text to communicate with a group of friends if it’s appropriate. Texting has become my primary for of communication with those who are closest to me, both friends as well as clients.

Twitter. Amazingly, there’s a lot of personal communication that happens through the Twitter DM feature (direct message). Some of my friends and clients DM me about all types of subjects. They range from business ideas and questions to goofy humor or color commentary. A note of caution about DM: if you forget to put the letter “D” before someone’s twitter name, that message will go out to your entire network. I have seen embarrassing and inappropriate comments in the mainstream that were meant as DMs.

Facebook. It’s true that you can get “sucked in” Facebook and blow hours of productivity reading through people’s post and commenting on them. However, I have found that I spend a few minutes a day going through my stream and using the “like” button, I can still be involved in my friends’ lives without spending a lot of time. Every time you click the “Like” button, your friend is notified and your face and name appear before them. It’s a great way to say, “I’m here and I’m keeping up with you.”

How do you find time for your important relationships?

February 14, 2011
Today’s Communicator Must also be a Sociologist

As a marketer and communicator, I’m always looking for trends. I have noticed that my 16 year-old son hasn’t asked me to buy him songs from iTunes in a while now. I know his appetite for music has not subsided and since his allowance has been, should I say, suspended, I know he hasn’t been buying any new tunes lately. Yesterday I asked him where he and his friends are getting their music. His answer surprised me: Youtube. Interestingly, Marcus’ generation is not interested in owning their music. They’re happy to stream it from anywhere they can. That’s a major shift from the millennials. While the marketing implications of how a generation behaves is important, the entire exchange reminded me that as a marketer and communicator I must also be a sociologist.

According to Wikipedia sociology is defined as:

The study of society.^[1] It is a social science—a term with which it is sometimes synonymous—which uses various methods of empirical investigation^[2] and critical analysis^[3] to develop and refine a body of knowledge about human social activity.

Being able to communicate effectively with any group of people means understanding not only their language, but their value system, motivations and behavior patterns. In America today we have several generations living together that are markedly different from each other: the frugal Builders, the spending Baby Boomers, the anti-establishment Gen Y, the cause-driven Millennials, and now the experiential Digital Natives.

Interestingly in any given Sunday morning, all 5 generational groups are likely to be sitting on a church pew. Much is written about the “language of culture.” I’m not sure that’s a valid statement any longer. I’m inclined to speak of the “languages of culture,” and I’m not speaking of English and Spanish here.

Micro fragmentation in messaging is here to stay. Marketers, communicators, and leaders must be aware of the audience–all of them–at any given time. Much like sociologists, communicators must be aware of their audience dynamics to still be relevant. Keeping up with 5 generational shifts beyond affinity groups is not easy, but must be done. I don’t think we have a choice in this matter. If we’re going to be effective in selling our ideas and products to an ever diversified culture, we must become better students of society.

What’s your take on the communicator as a sociologist?

February 7, 2011
How I Get My Creativity Back

Creativity is not just for people in the arts. Creative people come up with all kinds of solutions: from math problems, engineer dilemmas, financing options to book titles, video concepts and logo designs. Creatives make things happen when others can’t. I have made a career of helping my clients to think innovatively. But I get stuck from time to time–nothing fresh comes to mind. Sometimes nothing at all comes to mind, not even a bad idea. Here’s a few strategies I have used over the years to re-start my creativity.

Leave. The longer I sit and stare or try to think harder the worse it gets. I just cannot will my mind to be creative when it’s tired or at an impasse. My best option is to leave the situation and find something else to do for a while.

Sleep. I cannot tell you how refreshing a good night’s sleep is on my brain. The opposite is true when I haven’t had enough sleep. Rest is perhaps one of the most important, if not the most important fuel of creativity. When I haven’t had enough rest, I’m not creative but irritable and mean, instead.

Shower. Ok, this might not work for everyone, but I have had several break-throughs while in the shower. Some of my best ideas have come out during a long, hot shower. I have even replaced my water heater with a tankless system that provides unlimited hot water just in case it takes me longer to find a solution than the amount of hot water left in the tank.

Run. There’s something wonderful about running early in the morning to open up my mind for the possibilities of the day. I have found myself more creative when the running endorphins kick in early.

Laugh. I cannot be innovative when I’m not happy. I’m convinced that laughter helps, well, everything including creativity.

How do you get un-stuck creatively?

February 3, 2011
What I Learned from Spending 4 Days with Millennials

I spent the last four days in Jacksonville, FL where I spoke at the First Baptist Church’s Pastors Conference. I have been at this conference for the past 5 years, but this year I made a point to spend more time hanging out with my friend, and conference leader, Trey Brunson and his entourage of helpers. I didn’t know what to expect at first, but not only did I have blast with them, I also learned a lot from these guys.

(L-R) Trey Brunson, Sam Lee, Chris Brown

Trey is a bright, passionate and resourceful 26 year old who has way more responsibilities anyone his age should have but deals with it like a pro. During the conference some have jokingly commented that my time investment in my young friends was a futile attempt to hold on to my fleeting youth. Personal aging issues aside, I want, as a communicator, to understand, relate and reach a generation of young leaders who think and act differently than me. While it’s easy to read about millennials, sharing life with them is a much more rewarding and rich experience.

First Baptist Church Jacksonville Pastors Conference

Here are some thoughts after spending 4 days with a group of millennials:

They still believe their dreams are within reach.

They are willing to take God at His Word.

They are prolific texters (not a word, but should be). I suspect Sam is dating about 3 girls by the amount of text the boy generates.

They still believe they can change the world.

They want passionate, authentic leaders to challenge them.

They value relationships above possessions and career goals.

They want mentors to speak into their lives.

They are open to honest conversations on any topic and willing to discuss even the most personal matters with a total stranger.

They accept people where they are.

They are confortable with the mundane, the sacred and the down right ridiculous—all within the same conversation.

They rather work out of conviction than out of fear.

They can stay up all night and function all day with only a few hours of sleep.

After spending a few days with these guys, I don’t regret my choice. Even though I didn’t get enough sleep and ate too much bad food. Oh, and I was also introduced to Lingerie Football League. However, I don’t know if they’ll say the same about hanging out with me.

When did you last spend time with a younger generation? What did you learn?

February 1, 2011
Communicators: Embrace Social Media or Quit

If you’re a communicator, you cannot afford not to be engaged in social media. I know this sounds like a mandate, and it is. Even if only a part of your job is to communicate the vision, mission and direction of the organization you lead, you, more than anyone else in your organization, should lead the social media charge.

I meet with leaders who refuse to embrace any social platforms. Their excuses are always the same:

I don’t get it.

I don’t have time.

I’m a private person.

I have nothing to say.

Until recently I used to go down a list of why it didn’t take that much time and how to manage time. I patiently talked about how even a private person could have a dynamic online presence, and how even the most introvert of leaders has something to say to his or her organization as well as to the community at large. Those were compelling arguments and I was careful to explain them. Often I got through, but occasionally I would get the nod that said “thanks for trying, but it’s not going to happen.”

Recently I have changed my approach. This week I found myself saying to a reluctant leader: “Well, just get over yourself. This is not just about you. This is about leading, and communicating well. It’s about having the greatest impact on the most people using the tools that are available to you. Your team and your organization could benefit so much from a successful online strategy. And what you’re telling me is that you don’t want to grow anymore. You’re done.” I’m not sure I would recommend this approach to everyone, but in this case, I got through.

Your opinion of the social media dynamics is, well, irrelevant. That’s how the game is being played right now. It’s the cost of relevance, the language of culture–the new global culture. The longer leaders go without embracing their online communication strategy, the more difficult their entrance into it will be. Sooner or later they will join the conversation, or they’ll abdicate their position to someone else who’s willing to do it. If they’re smart, they’ll make it sooner.

Am I being unreasonable?

January 28, 2011
The Art of Giving Bad News

No one likes to receive bad news. But being the bearer of bad news is not much fun either. Seems like the past few weeks I have found myself delivering the kind of messages I wish someone else would do. I want to deliver happiness, fat checks, and great looking food. But there are times we all need to “suck it up,” and give people news that will disappoint, hurt and even devastate. So how do you do that well? I’m not sure I’m doing it well, but as I thought about the circumstances I’ve been lately, I tried to put myself in the other person’s shoes. If someone is going to give me bad news, how would I like for it be done? Here are some thoughts:

Be kind. Difficult conversations are painful by nature. So there’s no need to make them any more hurtful. Tell me the bad news but don’t make me feel any worse than I already feel. I’ll always remember this conversation and how you approached it.

Be honest. Speaking the truth in love is a biblical mandate. Don’t skirt the issue and don’t sugar coat it. Please tell me what the real problem is. In order to avoid the same fall out down the road, I need to be aware of the real reason for the conflict or outcome, not just a more palatable version.

Be silent. Once you say your peace, let me process, respond or just cry. Some people feel the need to fill every second with words. People in shock need time to regain their bearings. Being silent creates a healthy tension and gives me time to respond.

Be available. Some news you never see coming. They blindside you like a Mac truck blowing through a stop sign. A gracious person will always leave the door open for a follow up conversation or clarification if necessary.

Have I missed anything?

January 18, 2011
Bad Leaders and the Curse of Happy Talk

Good leaders are good communicators. There’s no way out of it. Happy talk is their way of casting vision but not accomplishing much. One of the primary functions of a leader is to sell a vision, a destination, or a future to his or her followers. You can’t do that without good communication skills. But a good communicator is not necessarily a good leader. While your oratory skills might get you elected to a prestigious position, it will not keep you there long. I have been in so many meetings led by a good communicator who happens to be a poor leader. Most of goes on in these settings I call “happy talk”: the ability to talk about ideas, projects and initiatives that will never materialize. Chances are, next time the same people convene, some, if not all, of the same subject matter will come back up for discussion again. Happy talk will ensue but nothing will get accomplished afterward. Here’s sure signs you’re sitting through a happy talk session:

The leader’s ideas are grandiose but not rooted in reality. That usually happens when the leader’s idea so far outside the current scope of work and experience that it cannot be accomplished with the available resources. People will listen mostly because they’re getting paid to be at the meeting. You know you’re in the middle of a grandiose speech when you’re thinking “that will never happen.”

There is little or no conviction. The moment someone else in the room question the idea, the leader drops the discussion and moves on to another subject or topic. The leader is not comfortable with conflict and instead of working through the issue, it’s easy to just drop it altogether. Doers need to see how all the dots connect, before they can jump in and embrace a new idea. After all none of us want to get stuck with a project we cannot figure out how to implement. Weak leaders confuse the need for clarity with paralyzing conflict.

There are no implementation goals or time lines. I’ve been in meetings where a new idea is presented by a leader but after hours of “vision casting” we walk out of the room without specific goals, dates and tasks. In my experience, if you don’t have a due date a set of goals and a way to measure a win, chances are nothing will be done until the next time you gather again for another round of happy talk.

What’s your experience with happy talk?

January 13, 2011
Is Your Body Language Betraying You?

A lot of our communication is non verbal. Body language, mood, appearance all contribute to the way we communicate. Whether we are interviewing for a job, negotiating a contract, or counseling a friend, our body language can speak louder than our words. Over the years, I have become conscientious of my body language specially during intense, meaningful exchanges. Most people are intentional about their appearance, but I find that a lot of people are not aware of their body language. Here’s a few things to consider:

Make eye contact. I know that sounds obvious. But I talk with people who cannot make consistent eye contact during an important conversation. That comes across to most people as a sign of untruth, such as a hidden agenda or worse, a lie. If you can’t look me in the eye, chances are I’m not going to believe you.

Uncross your arms and legs. When you keep your arms and sometimes both arms and legs crossed your body language says, “no.” Your mouth might be agreeing verbally but your body language says “I’m not open to this idea or where this conversation is going.”

Lean towards your subject. When I want to emphasize a point or re-engage the other person deeper in the conversation, I lean towards them and make sure I make eye contact before I speak. At this point my body language says “this is very important, please listen.”

Smile. There’s nothing better than a smile to make someone feel at home. Smiling during a difficult conversation can break the tension. Smiles are particularly helpful when you disagree with someone. Saying “no” with a smile on your face lets the other person know that while you are not willing to accept their proposition, you’re not offended or upset. It keeps the dialog going.

How do you use body language to communicate?

January 6, 2011
What’s Your Church’s First Message?

We all want to believe we are friendly. I’ve never been to a church that said, “we’re not friendly.” Well, I take that back. I once visited with a minister who said “we’re not a very friendly congregation.” And boy, he meant it. But usually churches I work with are evangelical protestant congregations with a heart for those outside the faith. Such churches want newcomers to feel welcomed and go through great lengths to create environments that say, “we’re glad you here.” But sometimes there’s a disconnect between what happens inside and what people see on the outside.

Recently I saw this sign outside a church’s front door:

In principle I don’t have a problem with a church not wanting people to eat, talk on the phone or even chew gum. Ok, I have a problem with not being able to chew gum at church. But should that be the first message someone new to your church sees? Is that the most important thing you want to tell a person outside the faith before they even get into the building? Come on, now.

Churches can spend a lot of effort and money on special services, websites and marketing materials only to have a small, ill-conceived sign ruin the experience for someone new. You might see it as an inconsequential detail. I believe it’s a consequential fail. When was the last time you walked around your church building with someone new and really took inventory of what you’re communicating?

Am I being over sensitive? What’s the first message someone new “sees” as they come to your church?

November 30, 2010
Before You Name or Rename Your Church
A lot goes in a name. And a whole lot goes into naming or re-naming a church. I remember when my friend Frank Santora from Danbury, CT, renamed his church. They went from Bright Clouds Ministries (not an Indian reservation) to Faith Church. Well that was a big win for them. I don’t think anyone in congregation complained; again, why would they? One of the frequent questions I get from church leaders has to do with their church’s name. But before you go out and change your congregation’s name, here are a few thoughts to consider:
- Make sure you have a compelling reason to change the name. Name changes are traumatic. The older the congregation, the more emotional equity a name has. For example, it doesn’t make sense to be “Hunter Street Baptist Church” if you’re moving to Michigan Avenue. A name change is warranted here, or if your church name is Bright Clouds.
- Location-specific names tie you to one location. Much like the previous example, if you are Haywood Lane Assembly of God and you want to start a satellite in another part of town than your name will not resonate with your new community. If you ever relocate, that name will not work either. Think big, think far and don’t put unnecessary limits on your congregation by making it community specific.
- Church names in foreign languages are confusing and come across pretentious. Imago Dei, Oikos Fellowship, Kaleo, Coram Deo unfortunately are real church names. I know some of these folks are going to wake up some day, maybe some already have, and say “What where we thinking?” If you have to explain the meaning of your church name you are in trouble.
- Make sure people know you’re a church. Names like “Threshold” and “Inversion Fellowship” can mean a lot of different things. Don’t make people ask “What is it?” most will not do it anyway, they will just ignore you.
- Use words that cannot be use negatively. There’s never a negative connotation for “Hope” or “Faith” these are positive words by definition. But what about “Locust Lane Chapel?” Well, the last time I check locusts were a plague. I know that might be the name of your town, but it’s still a plague.
What about your church name. What does it communicate?
November 22, 2010