Maurilio Amorim

Category: authenticity

  • Faith and My Growing Shades of Gray

    Years ago life and faith were more black and white than they are today. Maybe I was more self righteous in those days or perhaps a simple “right or wrong” world was a  much easier proposition to deal with than the complex place of multiple shades of gray. I know I have changed. I’m not talking about making a big theological shift that would shake the foundation of my faith. But the more self aware I become of my own human condition, the more willing I am to extend grace to those around me.

    Shades of Gray Faith Tolerance

    Life is messy. People screw up. A lot. Even people who should know better do stupid stuff. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself saying “How could he do that?” But I know how. It’s not as hard as I once thought. While I’m not making excuses for people’s sin, I would not want to be the one to throw the first stone.

    I’m thankful that God doesn’t call me to be a judge. He’s more than capable of filling that role. The judging business on earth is exhausting and pointless. Trust me, I tried doing it for way too long.

    Today is Sunday, and I’m going to church. Unlike some of the places where I have attended and visited, my church is filled with the broken and hurting. I’m ok with that. I’m one of them. As God continues to help me unpack my own personal “junk,” I’m going to extend to the faith sojourners along my path a hand and help them as much as I can. I hope you consider doing the same.

    Are you seeing more shades of gray as you age, or is my faith eyesight going bad?

  • Owning My Own Issues: A Confession

    Yesterday was a very busy, challenging day for me. I don’t know if you can relate to the type of day that seems to be hard to get through. It’s the kind of day that you realize you might just have too many plates up in the air and that some might be crashing soon. There were too many loose ends, too much ambiguity in the projects I was involved in, and not enough joy to celebrate the victories. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

    Owning my own Issues

    So this is not a “how to” blog. It’s just a confessional post.

    I’m going to own the responsibility for my crazy busy, joyless day. Maybe I’m over committed, or not sleeping enough, or not eating enough, or not eating enough of the right stuff, whatever. I’m not sure yet what the answer to my dilemma is, but I’m going to figure it out, and soon.

    But here’s what I’m not going to do. I’m not going to be in a bad mood and take it out on those around me. That’s usually what I do. I get hyper critical, irritable and question everything and everyone. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s not fun, I hear.

    So, I’m writing this for myself and for those who have to deal with me today.

    If you see me getting crabby today, please remind me of this post.

    How do you deal with frustration?

  • Wearing Your Religion

    He was about to give the man at the front desk a piece of his mind. He had some of the worst customer service experience in a long time, after all, these people had overcharged his credit card two months in a row. The fitness club manager was a shady character who wore warm up suits and gold chains and spoke words like “your health is the most important thing to us.”  My friend stood at the front desk getting the run around on why the charge discrepancy. As his righteous indignation grew into plain anger, and the level of his voice began to raise he suddenly stopped dead on his tracks.

    I stood to the side of him watching the whole exchange go down. Secretly, I was looking forward to the show down between Dickie and the smarmy manager. But it didn’t happen. Dickie, stopped talking and said, “I’ll deal with this later,” and walked away.

    I made my way into the club and found him a few minutes later. “What happened? Why didn’t you finish the conversation.” In my mind I was thinking, “I had front-row seats to see you take down Mr. Smarmy.” His reply was not what I expected. He looked my in the eyes and said, “I couldn’t do it. I have Jesus on my back.” The look on my face must have given my bewilderment away because without saying anything else, Dickie turned around and pointed to the large letters resembling an old Coca Cola logo: JESUS CHRIST stamped all over his shirt.

    That happened several years ago, but I have never forgotten that conversation: “I’ve got Jesus on my back.” Even before the WWJD bracelets became popular, I always thought of Dickie’s sudden realization that he was wearing his religion, literally.

    Since then I have always struggled with the question, “how much differently would I act if I had Jesus on my back constantly?” What would my conduct be if the words “Jesus Follower” were branded on me for all to see?  So, maybe it’s a t-shirt, a rubber bracelet, or even a tattoo, but from time to time, I believe we Christians need a visual reminder that Jesus not only has our back, but He’s on it.

    What do you think of wearing a reminder of your faith? Is that a cop out or a legitimate help tool?

  • I’m Lowering My Expectations

    You go the extra mile. You reach out and give beyond what  you thought you should give, and yet, there’s nothing in return, or at least not the return you expected. Have you been there with a friend, a family member, a spouse? We all have, and some of us seem to live in a place where we resent people’s lack of gratitude more than we appreciate our relationship with them.

    I'm lowering my expectations Maurilio Amorim

    It’s difficult to be completely altruistic. It’s not in our human nature. Deep within we are always having the inner conversation that says, “what am I getting out of this?” We do it with God all the time in our bargaining prayers: “God if you let me have such and such, I promise I’ll do  ____” And so we do it with people we love; people we wish would love us back with the same intensity, appreciation and commitment.  That seldom happens.

    So today I’m going to try as hard as I can to set my reasonable as well as my  unreasonable expectations aside and see what happens. I’m going to love those around me because I’m being loved by God. I’m going to let them off my relational “hook” and give it a try. Could God’s love for me be enough, even for a day?  Sounds rhetorical, but it’s a real question.

    What would happen if we lowered our expectations for those around us and raised our expectations for how we serve them?

  • Are We Creating a Better Version of Ourselves Online?

    Last week I got several messages from Twitter and Facebook friends about getting together during the Catalyst conference. Unfortunately my schedule was packed with meetings in-between sessions and dinner appointments, and I wasn’t able to  meet many of my digital friends face to face. Since then my insecurities have taken hold of me and whispered, “maybe it was for the best. You’re a lot better looking and more interesting online than in real life.”

    Are we creating a better version of ourselves online

    That thought has stayed with me for days now and I can’t seem to shake it. I overheard a co-worker say that she is often disappointed when meeting celebrities in real life situations because they never live up to her expectations. Ok, I’m not a celebrity–I have no paparazzi following me, or even a friendly stalker–but the comment forced me to ask the question, “have I created a better version of myself online?” I’m not sure I can objectively answer that question.

    I want to believe that my online persona is who I am, but somewhat self-edited and on my best behavior, and not a carefully constructed caricature  of the person I wish I were. We all have heard of truth in advertising, but what about truth in social media persona?

    How should we manage putting our best “digital” foot forward without fabricating a bogus online identity?

  • Is Self Promotion Evil?

    Most Christian leaders I know struggle to find balance in life. They need to find the proper ratio between work and family time, the balance between eating and exercising.  But while most of us would agree that family always comes before work and that overeating and poor exercise habits are not good for anyone, Christian leaders struggle with the elusive, apparently evil, but frequently necessary need for self-promotion. Is self-promotion a symptom of a prideful heart, a necessary evil of ministry, or a simple tool to achieve a mean?

    self promotion, marketing, personal brand

    Well, it depends.

    I’m not trying to be evasive when I say, “it depends.” As both a communications expert and a literary agent, I help my clients  develop a platform where their resources (books, videos, blogs, curricula) can be consumed. One of the very first questions publishers ask me about a new author is, “what type of platform does he or she have?”

    “But isn’t creating an audience the job of a marketer?” You might ask. Yes, it is, but the content, specially Christian content, cannot be divorced from the content provider and thus both the author as well as the product must be promoted.

    Frequently I hear that such and such pastor or author has gone overboard with their self promotion. That translates to me as:  that person is doing a good job in getting his or her message out. “But that’s vanity!” some have argued.

    Here’s how I see it: The act of self promotion itself is amoral, meaning void of moral meaning. It’s neither good or bad. But it’s absolutely necessary in order to develop a platform, engage culture and grow a church or movement because the message cannot be divorced from the messenger. The motivation for self-promotion, however, is key.

    As an author, business owner and Christ-follower, I understand the need to reach out to an ever-growing audience so I can have a deeper impact. “Oh, but I have seen people buy into their own PR and become horrible divas.” Yes, so have I. But that’s God’s problem, not ours. I cannot and will not judge someone else’s motivations and neither should you.  I can only comment on people’s actions and behaviors. When those whom are close to me behave unbecomingly, I’m the first one to call them on it. Otherwise, I want to help them unapologetically seize every opportunity, take every interview, kiss every baby, shake every hand and smile for every photo opp that comes their way so that their life-giving message can get out before as many people as possible.

    I know this is an emotionally-charged subject and difficult to navigate, but am I off base?

  • Confessions of a Lousy Father

    I got a called from Gwen this afternoon. We had our first teenage car accident. Our 15-year-old son had just backed up his mom’s Infinity SUV into a neighbor’s mailbox crushing the truck’s bumper and destroying the mailbox on his first attempt at driving after getting his permit on Friday. “We just spent two thousand dollars on body work this summer! How are we going to make him pay for the damages? ” were the first words out of my mouth. I was furious and my main concern was with the cost of fixing the car and the mailbox. It wasn’t until later, much later, that I thought about my son, his feelings and the trauma he might be facing. Now as I reflect on today’s event, I so wish I had reacted differently.

    Even after all the years of reading the Bible, listening to numerous messages, reflecting, praying and “growing” as a person, I still find myself reacting in ways that I hoped I would not. Today is an example of the less-than-altruistic person who shows up from time to time in my life. I know him well. He’s selfish, judgmental, and unforgiving; the antitheses of the Jesus whom I’ve pledge to emulate. As I drove home tonight, I kept thinking about my upcoming conversation with Marcus. What can I teach him? How can this be a teachable moment for him?

    But I realized that I needed this teachable moment more than he did. It will be a while before the boy’s nerves will allow him to  drive again, and he’s upset enough to the point he doesn’t need a lecture on his driving skills. I, however, had to face my own inner demons and come to grips with the fact when I had a chance to be the person I wish I were, I failed. Instead of being a gracious and loving dad, I reacted like a lousy and selfish father.

    Why share this weakness publicly on my blog? I’m not sure I should, but if by exposing the side of me I’m not proud of, will hold me accountable to change it, than maybe it’s worth the embarrassment. For me it’s more important to be authentic than to create an image of authenticity.

    Thank you for letting me indulge in this post.

    Those of you who are parents, have you ever feel like a parenting failure? If so, where have you found help?

  • When Did I Get Old? Undeniable Signs of My Aging

    There are some rights of passage in life I look  forward more than others. During my run this morning, I noticed that I might have been going through yet another stage. I’ve heard we become more “eccentric” as we age. I’m not wealthy enough to garner the title of “eccentric.” I’m just getting old and peculiar. Here’s a few signs that point to my aging status:

    • I can’t run, workout or pretty much leave the house without at least 800 milligrams of ibuprofen, metabolic and thermogenic enhancers and a couple of pills I’m not even sure what they do but I’m afraid to stop taking them.
    • I must check the weather as soon as  I wake up. First I was just interested in the local weather, but it has now expanded to cities all over the globe including entire regions in the Pacific rim and western Europe.
    • My growing fascination with my lawn is now to the point of creating my own blend of grass: tall fescue, Kentucky blue, and rye. This morning I almost knock on someone’s door at 6 am to find out what grass blend they used. I curse Bermuda grass at least once a day.
    • I’m convinced that adult wet wipes is the best invention of the 20th century. Don’t judge me until you’ve tried it.
    • I get up at 4:30 am
    • I go to bed at 9:30 pm.

    What about you? What are the signs that you’re becoming increasingly old?

  • Vanity Sizing and the Need for Truth

    Truth is not always pleasant, fun or convenient, but it’s always necessary in life. Without the truth of a working compass, we would be desperately lost. Without the truth of a mirror, we wouldn’t know we have spinach stuck between our teeth or an embarrassing case of bed hair. And yet, our culture continues to find ways to make us feel better about ourselves even at the cost of the truth.

    Last week I learned about “vanity sizing.” It’s been a known practice in women’s fashion, but it’s now part of men’s as well. In order to make consumers feel better about themselves, and potentially buy more merchandise, designers are selling items that are purposely mislabeled to seem smaller than they actually are. And I’m not just talking about half or a size difference. Old Navy, for example sells pants labeled 36 inch waist that are actually 41 inches.

    Marketers are betting on the goodwill that smaller-than-anticipated sizes will have on consumers, hopefully propelling them to buy more goods: “Hey, I can fit on a size 31 skinny jeans. Oh, I need two pairs.”  But vanity sizing is a lie and those skinny jeans won’t make you look small. As a matter of fact a size 41 skinny jeans on a man will make him look like a denim ice cream cone. Sorry about the visual.

    So marketers are liars. That’s nothing new. But we have been playing vanity games for a long time. We tell our children they’re great singers when they’re tone deaf. We tell people we believe in them, but we secretly we don’t. We give praise in public only to tear it down privately. We hate the Simon Cowells’ of the world, but often they’re the only voices of reason.

    How can we grow if we are not willing to find out the truth, no matter how difficult?

    Honestly, vanity sizing works on me. I just bought 2 pairs of 32 size pants. I wouldn’t have bought any if they were sized 36 or even 34. But I also know that with every picture and every mirror reflection the truth is staring back at me. There are not enough skinny mirrors out there to distort the truth.

    When was the last time you were honest with someone? How did it turn out?

  • Stupid Stuff I Can’t Believe I Said

    Words are a powerful and interesting things. With words we build people up or tear down friendships. They are used to bless as well as to curse. I’m a communication professional. I’m deeply flawed and to make matters more complicated,  I’m also Brazilian. Brazilians are often fun, but we’re also blunt in ways that make southerners blush. Over the years I have tried not only to adapt to my new adopted country, but also temper my not-so-subtle foreign ways.  I have not always succeeded.

    stupid stuff I can't believe I said Maurilio

    Here’s some memorable exchanges I wish I could have taken back:

    “I have the best hair money can buy” jokingly to a gentleman at a church I was interning as he commented on how much he liked my hair. I didn’t realize he was wearing a toupee. (it was a good one, after all)

    “When are you due?” To my non-pregnant waitress at Cancun restaurant. Twice.

    “I meant to tell you before, but you’re actually an adopted monkey we got from the zoo” to my 5-year-old son Marcus as he ran screaming, “MOM is it true?”

    “Your grandfather is a hoot” to my college roommate only to find out it was his grandmother I had just met.

    “I’m not sure what kind of mirror you have, but I’m sure you didn’t see in it what I’m seeing.” to a friend who had a fashion meltdown.

    “Come with me little girl! You can sit on my lap” to a 28-year old midget woman sitting in a church service as I invited her to join me at the children’s story time.

    “Haven’t they suffered enough?” to a friend after she told me she was signing up to take food for the Nashville flood victims.

    “Sorry,but  it looked better on the hanger than it does on you.” To my young wife after bringing home a dress I bought her as a gift.  Twenty years later and I’m still paying for it.

    I’m glad for forgiveness, second chances and life lessons. But the truth is I can’t ever take those words back. Today I self edit a lot more than ever before, but to people who know me well, it’s not quite enough. My hope is that the majority of comes out of my mouth will be used for building up, instead of tearing down.

    Now it’s your turn. What have you said that you wish you could take back?