Maurilio Amorim

Category: authenticity

  • How I Became a Safe Person

    I don’t know when it started, but one day I became a safe person to those around me. Perhaps it’s been part of my own internal make up or perhaps I developed the skills and the temperament it takes to be the kind of a person people around me find “safe.” It’s not unusual for someone I barely know to share something deeply personal and important with me. While I’m honored and humbled, I remember the days where the opposite was true. People would tell me I came across unapproachable and intimidating. So what changed? Obviously I did, and while I might not have enough self awareness to understand the complete metamorphosis process, here’s part of my personal journey that changed me.

    Trust safe person

    I embraced grace for myself and for those around me. In my early twenties my life was a series of black and white pictures. Grace helped me soften the landscape with shades of gray. Once I embraced the grace God has freely given me, I was able to be more gracious to those around me. I could not be a safe person without that understanding. Thinking about it now, I might even call it “shades of grace.”

    Failure humbled me. Early in my career I thought I was invincible and to a great degree inerrant. And it was until my late 30’s before I could point out to something I could deem a big failure. I couldn’t take the heat in the career I felt called to and gifted for, so I quit. I walked away. I failed.  There’s nothing that gives me more compassion for those who fail than remembering how it felt to come to grips with the fact that my dream was no longer going to happen the way I had planned. It was not going to happen at all.

    Age gives me perspective. Age cannot give you wisdom. I’m convinced of that. Time, however, gives you perspective. As I listen to those in the middle of a storm, I can often relate to the feelings of fear and panic that often paralyze us during those situations. I’ve been through them–quite a few of them. Knowing that storms are always temporary no matter how threatening, helps me to listen, comfort and walk with my friends through their own turbulent times.

    In which other ways can we become a safe person to those around us?

  • My Loss of Entitlement Saved My Future

    I know entitlement first hand. My Brazilian mindset had prepared me for a privileged life where I expected my parents to pay for college, find me a high-paying job, pay for my wedding and set me and my future bride in a new house they would build for us. Nice, isn’t. But that’s not the way it all happened, and for that, I’m most thankful.

    On my 19th birthday I got a call from Brazil letting me know that the government had frozen any money transfers going outside the country. And even without that restriction in place, my parents could no longer afford to pay for my college education. Therefore goodbye,

    free college education

    wedding,

    first house.

    easy job.

    I was crushed. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.

    I have thanked God for that disappointing news many times over the years. In a conversation, my sense of entitlement suddenly disappeared and I was forced to take charge of my own life and trust God for my future. It was traumatic but powerful in a positive way. Whatever little success I have in life today, I trace it  directly to that conversation and the shifting of my expectations and mindset. I still battle entitlement often. When I hear these words come out of my mouth, I know I’m headed down the entitlement road: “I just deserve more. I worked harder than that person; therefore I should be further ahead. These are rules for other people. They don’t apply to me”

    What about you? Have you ever felt a sense of entitlement? Has adversity made you a better person?

  • Authenticity and Your Brand Promise

    “We are good at copying but not good at being authentic.” Those were difficult words for a pastor to say, but both he and I knew they were true. As we talked, he told me he had visited enough congregations to know how churches freely “borrowed” others’ identity.  I ran into that problem early on in my marketing career as I was asked to create something that looked exactly like someone else’s work . Even today, my company gets calls from churches that want to use one of our client’s  logo, brand identity and promises as their own. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.

    Brand Promise Authenticity Maurilio blog

    I believe that’s a problem way beyond churches and businesses.  We often want to copy the style of something or someone without possession any of the substance.  I know church leaders go to great lengths to look and act like  prominent Christian leaders without spending the time and discipline it takes to develop the skills that propel these successful men and women forward.

    It takes more than plastic frame glasses, a shirt from the Buckle, and an iPad to make you a good communicator, much less a good leader.  Wearing a vest with a t-shirt and jeans doesn’t make you any more relevant and authentic than wearing your underwear over spandex tights makes you a superhero.  Substance, not style, ultimately wins.

    Have you ever been taken in by the style but let down by the lack of substance?   I’m sure you have.  These are the times that an institution or a person promised something they never fully delivered. Sadly, many of us have walked away from churches, businesses, friendships and marriages because we fell in love with the promise of the packaging but couldn’t live with the performance of the product. It’s amazing when we get both, however.

    When was the last time you walked away from a relationship or an institution because the product did not match the promise? What could have changed that?

  • Authenticity and the Deceptive Allure of Perfection

    Authenticity. It’s a big word and it’s everywhere today. We want an authentic life with authentic friends, even down to attending church with an authentic preacher. But sadly, we, myself included, are often guilty of measuring ourselves against the impossible: the manufactured image of perfection we hear, watch, and read about. These works of populist fiction become our target in real life.

    I must congratulate my fellow marketers in succeeding selling us plastic perfection but derailing us in our pursuit of an authentic self.

    But no matter how philosophical I get, I find myself going back to the old adage, “beauty is skin deep, but ugliness is to the bone.” So I try harder, run longer, hit the gym at 5 a.m. and pass up on the chocolate cake that beckons for me every time I walk into the kitchen. My insecurity demons emboldened by the latest picture of the shirtless, buff and Photoshopped (as in touched up, enhance, beautified by software) Brad Pitt, have their way with me as I try, still unsuccessfully, to measure up.

    I want authenticity from people around me while I try to sell everyone on the Photoshopped version of myself. I sell it to those around me as “giving it” my best, but is that my real motivation?

    Do you feel pressure to look, behave or become someone other than whom you believe God has created you to be?

  • The Authenticity Trap

    Authenticity is the new oratory device of the day for Christians. Self disclosure and complete openness have never been so popular among evangelicals. The days of leaders who spoke from a strong tower of knowledge, holiness, and utter discipline seem to be numbered. Over the past decade I have seen a communication shift that takes speakers and authors from a place of strength and knowledge alone and puts them in a more honest, imperfectly human dialogue context with their audience.

    the authenticity trap

    I have personally enjoyed this shift. It resonates with my fallen nature and helps me to know that even those whom I admire struggle like I do. Lately I have been concerned with the inevitable abuse of the authenticity device. As the pendulum swings from the bully pulpit of years past into the self-disclosing conversational approach of our social-media rich environment, it continues past center into what I call the “permissive confession.”

    In short, this type of confession is not designed to right wrongs or to make amends. It’s often used to find sympathy and grace from your audience without having to do the hard work of repenting, changing your ways and paying retribution. The “I have made a mess of things” disclosure without a change in behavior is the permissive confession that elicits support for the unrepentant.

    I need grace and forgiveness more than most. I truly do. But I hope we are not creating a culture that encourages people to be authentic about their sins but excuses them from doing the hard work of making things right. After all, shouldn’t we expect our friends and leaders to change the very thinking and actions that landed them in such a mess to begin with?

    Have you seen this authenticity trend of permissive confession?

  • My New Stranger Strategy

    What would it happen if I made a habit of walking up to a complete strangers and introducing myself? In the past few months I have tried to be intentional about doing just that.  I have done it in airports, at the gym, and restaurants. I had no idea of what to expect. Would people be annoyed? Would they look at me with the you-are-creeping-me-out stare? Would they dismiss or ignore me? Not really. People’s reactions have surprised me.

    stranger strategy

     The great majority of people seem genuinely glad to have a brief personal dialogue with a perfect stranger. I believe human beings are created to be part of a shared existence, part of community. It’s easy to be in the middle of a room filled with people and to be alone, go to work everyday and not connect with anyone, walk around a large gym, see the same people for months or even years and never connect with anyone. Could a friendly smile and small talk from a stranger, actually make a difference? Most definitely.

    I have exchanged travel nightmare stories with fellow travellers. I have commiserated with parents of teenage boys about the challenges we face. I have learned new exercise routines from guys I’ve met at the gym. Unexpectedly, I have made new friends simply because I took the time to introduce myself and began a conversation that would eventually blossom into a friendship.

    Most of these exchanges have been rewarding, some of them might even become life changing. Time will tell. But none of them would ever happen without breaking that first awkward moment of silence and purposely entering someone else’s world.

    This whole experiment has helped changed my perception of people and even my vocabulary. I no longer look at those whom I don’t know as “strangers.” They are now friends I have not yet met.

     How difficult is it for you to introduce yourself to someone new?

  • Confessions of a Hypocrite

    Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s quite descriptive of my feelings. I’ve felt that way since my early professional days as a pastor. Those who work in ministry might be able to identify with the sentiment. After all, pastors and church staff, just by virtue of their positions, are expected to be holier and wiser than the rest of the congregation. Their struggles are beyond the mundane issues of the rest of the non-professional Christians deal with.  Therein lies my problem.

    hypocrite

    While I’m not  lowering the standards for those in ministry, I know the toll those expectations can take on those whose lives are supposed to be a living example of God’s promises, blessings and teachings.

    Every single day.

    All the time.

    With a smile.

    Life under the microscope of unrealistic expectations is painful. The days you question your career path, your spouse choice, even your faith in God are often filled with appointments, counseling sessions, public prayers, faith-building social media posts where you are supposed to be a source of strength to those around. You bear and grin and hope your eyes don’t betray you and show the doubt and guilt you’re desperately trying to hide.

    But somehow God has managed to use even my hypocrisy to his Glory. I can remember on several occasions feeling defeated because of how empty and non-inspiring I felt through a message, meeting or study, only to hear back how my words and actions had impacted someone. Really?!

    So even though I still wrestle with issues I should have won the battle long ago, as any mature believer would have, I still share my faith, the things I know to be true, even if I find myself in the middle of doubt. Because ultimately I believe in a good God who loves me and cares for me and fills my empty offerings with His grace. I don’t understand it. I wouldn’t do it if I were Him. But I’m thankful He does it.

    Have you ever felt like a hypocrite? How do you deal with it?

  • Judging the Struggle

    I haven’t met anyone perfect yet. There are few people who want me to believe they have it all figured out, but I’m not buying it. Some struggles are easier to hide, others play out in the public eye,  and some are devastating. But part of the human condition means that we are fallen creatures and that we often sweat the small things, wrestle with  big questions, doubt was supposed to be certain. Some refer to these struggles as baggage. I don’t agree. Baggage is something you choose to carry around. Our struggles are too often tied in to the very core of who we are, to the human condition.

    struggle

    As a Christian, I find myself wanting to judge people whose battle is different than mine more harshly and empathize with those whose struggles mirror my own.

    That’s very hypocritical.

    Today as I run into hurting people whose struggles are so different than mine that I can’t relate to, I’m committed not to judge them. I’m going to try to love them. While judging comes naturally for me, loving takes a lot more effort. That means showing,

    respect,

    kindness,

    attention,

    grace,

    friendliness,

    I believe this will be harder than I expect, but I must start sometime. Today feels like the right day.

    Is there a change you need to make in your attitude, life, thinking that you’ve been putting off? Why not join me and make this your starting point?

  • The Problem with Fakes

    Last time I was in Hong kong I bought a couple of Rolexes. Instead of costing thousands of dollars each, they cost less than 100 dollars for both watches. These are great-looking replicas of the original. From the heavy weight of the watch to  the smooth second hand movement, these watches look and feel like the real thing. After I bought them, I reasoned with myself, “why did I ever by a real one?” There’s only one problem with my imitation watches: they can’t keep time. Every time I wear one of my Falsex watches, I’m reminded why I love my real Rolex.

    The problem with Fakes Rolex

    In life, much like my watches, the fake seldom deliver on their promises. In the business world we deal with salespeople and companies that promise us a product or services just as good as the high-quality, more expensive version, but for less than half of the price. Right. When we deal with imitations, the illusion of quality is only temporary because, ultimately, an imitation cannot deliver on its promises. It lacks the inner strength that make the real thing, well, the real thing.

    Unfortunately, I come across people who are imitations of the better person they portray. You have met them too. They are well put together, they say the right words, and they make a strong impression as they quickly become part of your life. However, there’s not enough substance to them, and they don’t come through when you most need them. You want to give them the benefit of the doubt for breaking their word, for flaking out on the relationship, but they don’t have what it takes to do the right thing. It’s just not in them. Like the fake Rolex, what’s inside is not quality.

    I want to be the real thing. I want to deliver on my promises, keep my word and be the person I represent, not just talk a good game. To me that means paying a higher price and putting the time and effort to become the real deal.  It means doing the difficult things I might not like to do because they will produce long lasting fruit.

    I pray that you will join me today and choosing to be the real thing and not a cheap imitation that shines for a moment, and then becomes a lifetime of disappointment.

    How do you deal with fakes in your life?

  • How Gracious Are you Really?

    I had to be taught to be gracious. That’s a quality that doesn’t come by naturally to me as I suspect to most guys. After all, our male instinct is to win, get “there” first, hold on tight to what’s ours, fight our way to the top and not to take grief from anyone. Early in life I saw my mother model grace as she gave so much of herself, and of her amazing cooking skills, to family and friends. I have my wife, Gwen, to thank for modeling grace in her relationships and how she deals with people. Interestingly, graciousness has as much to do with giving as it does with receiving. Are you a gracious person? Answer the following questions honestly.

    Are you a gracious person? Take a test and find out

    Do you have to win every argument?

    Are you able to receive gifts and compliments well?

    Do you give expecting something in return? Even gratitude?

    How often do you resent people for not being thankful for something you’ve done for them?

    How easy is for you to be “done” with a relationship because it’s not reciprocal?

    When was the last time you’ve allowed someone else to “win” so they could safe face and not be embarrassed.

    How often do you open your home to someone who might never be able to return the favor?

    Have you ever reneged on your word because the stakes got too high and you were about to give away more money than you thought?

    How many friends do you have who are not in your social-economic demographic?

    Being gracious is hard work. At least it is for me. Altruism is easier towards those whom I have never met than it is toward a family member, a client or a friend who doesn’t respond the way I want them to. But I have never regretted backing down when I knew I had the right to push forward for the sake of a relationship. I have never regretted giving regardless of the perceived “appreciation.” Interestingly, human nature being what it is, I still have to fight the urge to attach strings to any kindness I do.

    Who’s the most gracious person you know?