How Gracious Are you Really?

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I had to be taught to be gracious. That’s a quality that doesn’t come by naturally to me as I suspect to most guys. After all, our male instinct is to win, get “there” first, hold on tight to what’s ours, fight our way to the top and not to take grief from anyone. Early in life I saw my mother model grace as she gave so much of herself, and of her amazing cooking skills, to family and friends. I have my wife, Gwen, to thank for modeling grace in her relationships and how she deals with people. Interestingly, graciousness has as much to do with giving as it does with receiving. Are you a gracious person? Answer the following questions honestly.

Are you a gracious person? Take a test and find out

Do you have to win every argument?

Are you able to receive gifts and compliments well?

Do you give expecting something in return? Even gratitude?

How often do you resent people for not being thankful for something you’ve done for them?

How easy is for you to be “done” with a relationship because it’s not reciprocal?

When was the last time you’ve allowed someone else to “win” so they could safe face and not be embarrassed.

How often do you open your home to someone who might never be able to return the favor?

Have you ever reneged on your word because the stakes got too high and you were about to give away more money than you thought?

How many friends do you have who are not in your social-economic demographic?

Being gracious is hard work. At least it is for me. Altruism is easier towards those whom I have never met than it is toward a family member, a client or a friend who doesn’t respond the way I want them to. But I have never regretted backing down when I knew I had the right to push forward for the sake of a relationship. I have never regretted giving regardless of the perceived “appreciation.” Interestingly, human nature being what it is, I still have to fight the urge to attach strings to any kindness I do.

Who’s the most gracious person you know?

  • Mark Smith

    The most gracious person I know is my mother in law. She goes out of her way to include and help others. I’ve learned so much from her.

    • And you have just earned extra bonus points with this comment.

  • Tammy

    I know Gwen and I have to agree with you that she’s one of the most gracious people I know. You’ve done well.

  • Kuulei

    My boss and good friend, Jan. He’ll make sure everyone is taken care of before he does anything for himself. He’ll let a friend stay at one of his rentals, rent free, until they get back on his feet. He’ll help a friend buy food so that she and her ohana (family) won’t go hungry for the week. There is so much more that I can share but I think you get the point 🙂 By the way, great blog 🙂

  • Christian

    My work-out partner is gracious. Gracious like spurs on cowboy boots. He is generous with “motivational words” when we are at the gym, and he kindly shares his wit and wisdom with me even when I do not ask for it. nnHe has graciously invited me over for dinner on several occassions. Usually, his invites consist of pictures of food texted to my phone. Whether he has actually used the words “invite” and “over” is still up for debate, but I am sure that’s just his special little way of being non-confrontational.

  • My father. He is so giving and gracious to others. Very thankful to be able to call him my dad.

  • @jakemusselman

    I’m still thinking about who the most gracious person I know is.nnBut I know I didn’t like your first question. Do I have to win every argument? Yes. Are most discussions really arguments in my head? Yes. Does that make me ungracious?…Stop asking me these kinds of questions.nnI was going to argue with you and win, but, alas, this post got me thinking.

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