Questions Every Guy Should Ask About His Date


I have several friends who are single and a lot of our conversations revolve about whom to date and what to look in a wife . While I have made a lot of mistakes over my lifetime, and I mean a lot, I got one of the most important decisions right: I married well. Outside my re-generational faith experience as I accepted Christianity and made peace with Christ’s death on the cross for me, my marriage to Gwen was the most important decision to date. It has impacted every single area of my life in ways I could not have imagined before we were married.  So to my single friends who are looking or dating, here are some thoughts I processed before I asked Gwen to marry me.

Before you say I do. Questions you should ask

Does she truly love God? “Christian dating” means more than going out with someone you picked up at church.  People pay lip service to their faith in order to “get the date.”  Yep, even girls do that. I don’t care if you met her at the singles’ group, or as member of the praise team. Professing to be a Christian is easy. If you have a set of core values and beliefs, make sure you’re on the same page before getting emotionally involved. If you don’t settle the faith question early, your marriage will be disastrous. Gwen’s faith in God and trust in His Word have meant more to me than anything else.

Does she have strong morals? “Well, she’s a lot of fun, but sometimes she gets a little crazy.” “She’s just blowing some steam; she’ll mellow out.” That usually translates in a growing series of excuses for a lack of moral or ethical fortitude. You might find it amusing early in the relationship, but it will grow into a nightmare. Don’t underestimate the value of a strong moral compass. After 20 years of marriage, I know exactly what my wife would say and do in any moral conundrum: the right thing.

Is she gracious? One of the greatest tests of someone’s character is to watch how they treat those who have nothing to offer them. Watching Gwen treat a server, a clerk, or immigrant workers at our house with dignity and compassion has been a tremendous lesson for me. Anyone who dismiss or mistreats those around them, specially the disadvantaged, lacks grace. Get rid of her fast.

Does she believe in me? I’m not asking if she thinks you are good looking, fun or talented. Those are pre-requisite for your first date. The question goes deep into the heart of every man: can I draw strength from her when life gets tough? I remember telling Gwen I wanted to start The A Group nearly 10 years ago. I’ll never forget her answer: “I believe you can do whatever you set your mind to. I always have. I’m not afraid. I’ll help in any way I can.”  That’s all I needed to hear.

Is she trustworthy? I know people who are always wondering what their mate is doing, or not doing, or how they’re spending their money.  Money woes wreck more and more marriages everyday. If you can’t trust her with money or a credit card or to make good choices, you might want to reconsider. If you are worried about who she’s talking to or where she at times, you don’t trust her. The only thing I don’t trust Gwen to do is buy my clothes.

Does she make me a better man? I want to be with someone who encourages, challenges and loves me into being a better man. Who doesn’t? I broke up with a very attractive young lady because instead of bringing the best in me, she drew my dark side. You know what I’m talking about: your lazy, selfish, critical, materialistic tendencies that you need help to fight and not someone to fuel them. I know men whose wives demand more stuff, more bling, more and more from them constantly. I’m thankful that Gwen has helped me fight my materialistic tendencies buy helping me see what really matters in life.

What other question would you add to this list?

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Questions Every Guy Should Ask About His Date --

  • Mark Jefress

    I usually ask my closest friends who know me well and that I have a lot of respect for their honest opinion of the girl I’m dating. It’s hard to be objective when you’re infatuated with someone.

    • Most guys don’t do that. In my experience, my friends want me to validate their choices and not tell them what I truly think.

  • Great post! My dad had two rules when I was looking for a wife: 1) Christian and 2) good cook.nnMet my wife at church and been thankful for her amazing chef skills 5 years running.

  • Excellent post, Maurilio. Thank you for the wisdom.

    • Thanks for stopping by Grant. I thought about some of my friends at Stretch as I wrote this.

      • KK Sberna

        Heard of all the great things happening at Stretch! Praise God!

  • KK Sberna

    Excellent post. I would say that any young single girl should read this as well so that she knows what a Godly man is looking for in a Godly woman. Thank you for your insight given to single men and women, Maurilio!

    • Thanks KK. You’ll make someone an awesome wife someday.

  • The only thing that I personally add to that list is: What is she passionate about and what makes her righteously angry? I think the answers to that question says a lot about a person and what they value.

  • I feel like covered everything I look for. nI think the biggest thing I would add to this list for myself is time. It takes time to learn these things and to see them demonstrated in her life. For me it’s time that I need to learn about her and about her life.nnThanks for saying all this. Very important stuff that I am always looking at trying to find.

    • You cannot know someone in a few dates. It takes time. You’re so right.

    • KK Sberna

      So true!!! I had a guy tell me he wanted to marry me by the second date! Safe to say there was not a third date…yikes!

      • wow, nothing says desperate like a marriage proposal on the second date.

        • KK Sberna

          I let him play my guitar- perhaps I was the one who moved too fast haha!

  • Great Post! I agree with every point you mentioned 100%.

    • Thanks Heather. You must be one of the “good catches” 🙂

  • Lindsey

    These are great…and quite frankly, they are questions that Christian women should reciprocally be asking themselves about any man they are considering yoking their lives to.

  • These are very good questions and can most definitely be turned around for women to consider of the men in their relationships. I also think some of those mentioned in the comments are great too. nnThanks for your words!

  • This is an incredible list, Maurilio. The only thing I could possibly add is to ask how she responds to her failures. Does she learn from them? Does she repeat them? Obviously in any marriage you’re going to have times where you fall on your face. How they respond to that adversity says a lot about their nature.

  • Jon Mercer

    Is she loving? Some girls are pretty and fun but they have no warmth. If she’s not loving during the dating phase , I guarantee she won’t be after you get married.

  • Brenda W

    Knowing your wife like I do, your comments about her are spot on. I want to add your column could apply to gals looking for “Mr. Right.” So many of my Christian GFs wind up heartbroken, time after time, because their “lists” don’t include any of these qualities. They cry on my shoulder but do not listen to any advice along these lines. It’s predictable and frustrating to watch. Great post, Maurilio!

  • Jennifer

    I really like this post. I’m a single gal, 31 years old, and looking for “Mr. Right.” I feel like it took the whole of my twenties to really “get it” when it comes to dating. I’ve always had standards, but they were the wrong ones. It’s taken a string of my own bad relationships and observing friends in serious relationships/marriages from the sidelines for me to figure that out. It’s not just about what I’ll accept in a mate, but what’s acceptable in the type of mate I someday hope to be.

  • Beautiful. I only wish this were the complete story.

    • I’m not sure I understand what you mean but the “whole story.”

      • There just seems to be other elements Christian men seek that mostrnnon-christian are less concerned over. A woman may have a beautifulrnrelationship with the Lord and a caring heart and still be completelyrnrejected by a Christian man. I’ve witnessed it personally and with some ofrnmy dearest friends.

        • “There just seems to be other elements Christian men seek that most non-christian are less concerned over. ” I would say this is true, and rightfully so. It’s possible I’m misunderstanding your comment, but “A woman may have a beautiful relationship with the Lord and a caring heart and still be completely rejected by a Christian man” seems a little unfair and implies that their mutual “Christian-ness” should be paramount in the levels of attraction, some of which are physical and some of which are not. There are those on both sides of the equation who have a wide-ranging list of what they want and why they want it. Some are legit, some are selfish and others are somewhere in the middle, but to be fair it works both ways. Trust me.

          • Of course it works both ways. I’m just saying that the simplicity of thisrnpost isn’t the entire story. It seems as though you would agree. As for itrnbeing “rightfully” so, I would definitely disagree there. What gives us thernright to be so harsh on one another? I just don’t buy that it is thernChristian attitude we should possess. Most of us may be guilty of it, but itrndoesn’t make it right.

  • Such a great list, Maurilio. I see so much clearer these days how easily I (historically) let myself be blind to true character. This helps provide some real solid perspective for the season of once-again-singleness I find myself in.

    • Some life lessons come with a high price. I’m glad you have clarity now.

  • Great post, Maurilio. I pray that more and more people would search for these qualities in their spouses instead of the Hollywood stereotypes. nI agree with Lindsey, that list works for the ladies too.

  • I would add this: “Do you like her?” By that I mean do you get her sense of humor, have common interests, and enjoy spending time together.

    • I’ve heard you can love someone without liking them. If you’re about to spend the rest of your life with someone, you’d better really like them as well.

  • Kira36K

    great article…keeps u focused on the things that matter…whn dating can be so confusing.

  • Pingback: 5 Questions A Girl Should Ask | Better Things Ahead()

  • Only his khakis are logo-free, along with his golf cleats–which he will wear all … What The Bachelor is to dating and American Idol is to singing in the

  • Pingback: construction companies sydney()

  • Pingback: churches()

Share “Questions Every Guy Should Ask About His Date” by Maurilio Amorim


Delivered by FeedBurner