Maurilio Amorim

Tag: Tim Elmore

  • Growing Love in Your Kids at Christmas

    Guest post by Dr. Tim Elmore

    Love. We probably talk about this concept more today than ever before, but actually practice it less than ever. At least in the way God intended us to do so. We find love in movies, romance novels, in Hallmark cards, on YouTube, and on bumper stickers. At Christmas time, especially, love is promoted by stores to push sales, and by cinemas to sell tickets. We all love the idea of love!

    But how do we practice it on the people we are closest to — like — in our home? Sometimes, the hardest people to love are not the strangers we meet out shopping, but our own family members.

    Try this simple idea.

    Sit down at dinner one night and talk about “love languages.” You may be familiar with the concept. Author, Dr. Gary Chapman, introduced it to us in his 1992 book: The Five Love Languages. After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: Everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language;” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own. The 5 love languages are:

    1.     Words of Affirmation (Speaking words of encouragement, favor and belief)

    2.     Quality Time (Spending focused time just sharing with another person)

    3.     Physical Touch (Holding hands, offering a hug or a squeeze to express affection)

    4.     Deeds of Service (Finding ways to serve someone by doing something for them)

    5.     Tangible Gifts (Providing some tangible gift that the other person appreciates)

    Allow each family member to discuss which of these is their favorite. Then, have each family member write down their name and what their top love language is. Then, divide them up secretly. Each person should have the name of someone else in the family. The assignment is this: Each person must find a way to “speak” that love language to the person they drew. The following week, talk about what happened.

    Then discuss: How could this be a regular practice in our family, and not just at the holidays but year round?

    “If someone says ‘I love God’ but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” (I John 4:20)

    Join us tomorrow at Eric Bryant’s blog as we discuss ways to develop faith in your kids (and maybe yourself!) during the holidays.

    Tim Elmore

    You can follow Tim Elmore’s personal blog at http://blog.growingleaders.com, and learn more about developing the next generation in his latest book: Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future.

  • Stop Lying. Your Children Need the Truth

    Tim Elmore’s new book “Generation iY” has messed me up lately, particularly the chapter on amending the lies we told Generation iY. According to Tim, these are well intentioned platitudes we say to our children in order to encourage them, to build their self-esteem but at their core, they are lies that will potentially wreak havoc as kids get old. According to him, “we have lied to manipulate, and often we have lied out of love. We’ve even taught young people to lie to themselves. . . in ways that will eventually sabotage them as a young adult.”

    Tim Emore Generation iY Lies we tell our children blog Maurilio Amorim

    Out of Dr. Elmore’s list of seven lies, the one that hit me the hardest was:

    You can be anything you want to be!

    Wait a second Tim, isn’t this part of the American Dream? Don’t people risk everything to come to America so their children can grow in a place they can be anything they want?

    But the trouble is that wanting something and being able to achieve it are two very different things. “Desire is not the same as talent, and talent is not the same as accomplishment,” says Elmore. And he is right. If you want to see the consequences of this lie, just watch an audition show of American Idol. It’s eerily sad to see parents encouraging tone-deaf children to continue pursuing a dream that’s just never going to happen, no matter how much affirmation the kid gets.

    I love my boys, I want them to think big and I don’t want to put limitations on their lives. But more importantly than blindly telling them that they should strive for an NFL career if that’s what they really want, I need to help them align their strengths with opportunities. I need to help them discovered their sweet spot where they’re most likely to do well and grow in it. Working in an area of one’s weaknesses is exhausting, frustrating and often leads to failure.

    So how do you deal with situations where the truth is not what the young person across from you wants to hear?