Tag: children

  • A Different Approach to Inconvinience

    While the adults at my delayed gate in Atlanta looked around frustrated, tapped their toes, and checked their watches often, a group of small children decided to take a different approach to the inconvenience. I like their approach better.

    children at play inconvinience

    It was a typical scene in most busy airports in America: people trying to get to their final destinations, hoping that their delayed flight would not derail their best laid plans. I had joined the rest of the self-important business travelers whose body language clearly displayed our discontent with the situation. During my time at the gate, I saw a few small children finding each other and impromptuly forming a circle on the floor. Then they began to play games, and by the time we were boarding, they were breaking into song. Our delay became their party.

    As I was boarding I looked at the children and could not help but smile. I noticed a lady next to me smiling as well. The thought then crossed my mind: at what point in my “development” did I lose the ability to find the fun and excitement in the most of mundane, if not, inconvenient, of situations? At what point of maturity did life become a series of tasks and appointments where I lost the opportunity to make new friends and smile?

    Years ago my flight to Rio was diverted to Bogota, Columbia due to engine issues. Our entire 747 was stranded at the airport. We could not even leave the plane due to obscure reasons I do not recall. Word came that we would have to stay at least another 6 hours waiting for the problem to be fixed before we could leave. People were mad, hungry, despondent–the typical traveling reaction to such an ordeal.

    After a make-shift dinner of airport food fare, we found ourselves sitting back at the plane grumbling about our misfortune. During this time I discovered that the young couple sitting next to me was college students like myself, but they were also opera singers and quite accomplished for their age. “Why don’t you sing for us?” I proposed. They looked puzzled at first then shrugged their shoulders and agreed.

    What happened next was pure fun. My new friends broke into an aria right from their seats. They stood up and began to sing from the top of their lungs. It was just beautiful. The whole plane got quiet, and as they finished the first song, the place erupted in spontaneous applause. For the next several minutes they went through most of their repertoire. Once they were done, I stood up and asked if anyone else would like to sing, or “share a talent” with the rest of the plane.

    What started as a terrible delay in an airport where soldiers carried machine guns around the concourse turned out to be one of the most memorable moments of my life. It’s been almost 30 years since then, and I can still remember it vividly.

    What would happen if we were not always so “grown up” and found a way to turn the inconveniences of life into opportunities to engage and enjoy people around us?  I think the airport children were right. They found a party where we found a headache.

     

     

  • Growing Love in Your Kids at Christmas

    Guest post by Dr. Tim Elmore

    Love. We probably talk about this concept more today than ever before, but actually practice it less than ever. At least in the way God intended us to do so. We find love in movies, romance novels, in Hallmark cards, on YouTube, and on bumper stickers. At Christmas time, especially, love is promoted by stores to push sales, and by cinemas to sell tickets. We all love the idea of love!

    But how do we practice it on the people we are closest to — like — in our home? Sometimes, the hardest people to love are not the strangers we meet out shopping, but our own family members.

    Try this simple idea.

    Sit down at dinner one night and talk about “love languages.” You may be familiar with the concept. Author, Dr. Gary Chapman, introduced it to us in his 1992 book: The Five Love Languages. After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: Everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language;” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own. The 5 love languages are:

    1.     Words of Affirmation (Speaking words of encouragement, favor and belief)

    2.     Quality Time (Spending focused time just sharing with another person)

    3.     Physical Touch (Holding hands, offering a hug or a squeeze to express affection)

    4.     Deeds of Service (Finding ways to serve someone by doing something for them)

    5.     Tangible Gifts (Providing some tangible gift that the other person appreciates)

    Allow each family member to discuss which of these is their favorite. Then, have each family member write down their name and what their top love language is. Then, divide them up secretly. Each person should have the name of someone else in the family. The assignment is this: Each person must find a way to “speak” that love language to the person they drew. The following week, talk about what happened.

    Then discuss: How could this be a regular practice in our family, and not just at the holidays but year round?

    “If someone says ‘I love God’ but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” (I John 4:20)

    Join us tomorrow at Eric Bryant’s blog as we discuss ways to develop faith in your kids (and maybe yourself!) during the holidays.

    Tim Elmore

    You can follow Tim Elmore’s personal blog at http://blog.growingleaders.com, and learn more about developing the next generation in his latest book: Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future.

  • Stop Lying. Your Children Need the Truth

    Tim Elmore’s new book “Generation iY” has messed me up lately, particularly the chapter on amending the lies we told Generation iY. According to Tim, these are well intentioned platitudes we say to our children in order to encourage them, to build their self-esteem but at their core, they are lies that will potentially wreak havoc as kids get old. According to him, “we have lied to manipulate, and often we have lied out of love. We’ve even taught young people to lie to themselves. . . in ways that will eventually sabotage them as a young adult.”

    Tim Emore Generation iY Lies we tell our children blog Maurilio Amorim

    Out of Dr. Elmore’s list of seven lies, the one that hit me the hardest was:

    You can be anything you want to be!

    Wait a second Tim, isn’t this part of the American Dream? Don’t people risk everything to come to America so their children can grow in a place they can be anything they want?

    But the trouble is that wanting something and being able to achieve it are two very different things. “Desire is not the same as talent, and talent is not the same as accomplishment,” says Elmore. And he is right. If you want to see the consequences of this lie, just watch an audition show of American Idol. It’s eerily sad to see parents encouraging tone-deaf children to continue pursuing a dream that’s just never going to happen, no matter how much affirmation the kid gets.

    I love my boys, I want them to think big and I don’t want to put limitations on their lives. But more importantly than blindly telling them that they should strive for an NFL career if that’s what they really want, I need to help them align their strengths with opportunities. I need to help them discovered their sweet spot where they’re most likely to do well and grow in it. Working in an area of one’s weaknesses is exhausting, frustrating and often leads to failure.

    So how do you deal with situations where the truth is not what the young person across from you wants to hear?